Scorpio Surprise

There I was, chatting with this guy over salads by the sea in Santa Cruz, California a few (many) years back. It was all sunshine, seagulls, and what felt like a preview to some Thor Avenger late night action. Then, *dun dun dun*… the man finds a horoscope rack. He had cheekily asked for my sign earlier — and even though I typically don’t pay any attention to zodiac drama, I spilled: Scorpio. Guy comes back, theatrically drops a “Scorpio” card on the table like he’s revealing the murderer in a game of Clue, and says, “I can’t date you.” Yep, Mr. Evening Potential turned Mr. Superficial in 0.2 seconds. But he didn’t even check the card’s back! You know, the flip side of our personalities!

Note: Scorpios? We’re like those fancy chocolates with a surprise center. Judge us by our shell (or some rando horoscope card) and, honey, you’re missing out on the good stuff. So, I think it’s my duty to defend and pass on the good, bad and ugly of the illustrious Scorpio (again, for like the 4 billionth time)!

The Good:

1. Intensity, Determination, Passion: A Scorpio will stand by you through thick and thin. If you’re in our circle, we’ve got your back. And, sure, we have a reputation for being deeply passionate, but between you and me, most days that passion is reserved for deciding which tequila pairs better with my Gouda-topped pasta while I lay on the couch watching Frasier (again).

2. Intensely Intuitive: If there’s a hidden agenda in the room, trust a Scorpio to sniff it out. Our gut feelings often verge on psychic. Or maybe we just have really good hearing. Either way, we often surprise ourselves.

3. Keepers of Secrets: We are the zodiac’s secret-keeping ninjas, hoarding your whispers with the loyalty of a dog guarding its favorite bone. Got a juicy story? Tell a Scorpio — it’s safer than burying it in your backyard!

This >> I’m gonna preface the following with this that I was told by a loving and wise man years ago who was also a Scorpio. It was a surprise to hear him say this because he was a financial planner left-brain kind of guy but he had a deep insight that made him a very intriguing friend and lover.

He said, “Every person evolves and every year we have an opportunity to grow and it doesn’t matter what your sign is because you have to choose to grow. And the thing is, Scorpios are really good at that because of their intuition and intensity.” So, if you are lucky enough to meet an evolved Scorpio, you’ve hit the jackpot. Well, needless to say he got laid that night.

But not evolved?? Yikes. The Bad and Ugly:

1. Stubborn as a Mule: Try moving a parked car by sheer will. That’s what convincing a Scorpio feels like when we’re set on something. Now this is not always true. I object because I can be convinced. Give me a good evidence-backed reason and I will change my mind.

2. Mystery Overload: Sometimes a Scorpio’s love for secrecy can be a touch too theatrical. Yes, we have layers. Like onions. Or a particularly dramatic trifle.

3. Jealousy: We can sometimes seem a bit possessive in relationships like a toddler with a favorite toy. But jealousy can be the flip side of passion and intensity. It’s all a matter of maturity and that evolution mentioned above.

In conclusion, Scorpios are a tempestuous blend of intense emotions and loyalty, with just a hint of melodrama. Dive into a relationship with one, and you’re in for an Oscar-worthy narrative. We are a sizzling mix of danger and delight, making life an endlessly riveting page-turner.

Or so I’m told.